Pain and compliments

I am ordinary, but I am also unique, I am ordinarily unique and it's a strange concept to live. As I have explained before, I have grown up in the middle of the road my whole life, I am the epitome of a middle class American. I am ordinary. However I believe that I have been created by something that is extraordinary. This extraordinary being gave me compassion for teenagers, compassion for music and art, and a never ending ache to be something more. I am grateful and fulfilled by those first two gifts, but it is the third one that is almost like a curse. I can fulfill the ache for a short time, but no matter how hard I try or how much I feel satisfied, in the end the ache returns. I can't explain the ache fully, but it's a combination of being overwhelmed, on the verge of tears with a physical pain in my heart. Unfortunately I have learned to ignore the ache when I feel hopeless in the situation, but I'm not proud of ignoring this call. And that's what I feel it is... It's a call from my Creator giving me a gift to be able to feel like Him, it's is both a gift I'd like to return but also be able to use more than I have. Maybe someday I'll be able to stand up and do more, actually it would be better said that I hope that someday is soon and I am willing to listen. Together we, as am Him and I, will see where that goes.

The greatest compliment I ever received was from a friend who both recognized and pointed out an ability that I had been given to understand the motives of people in my life. I seek out realness, to me there is no point or meaning or learning from those who cannot fully be themselves around me. I have people in my life that I am able to learn from and grow together with, if you're not going to help me with this, then I don't want you in my life. Harsh yes, but real and I don't have room for a fruitless friendship in my life.




In the future, I hope that I find meaningful friendships, continue to live out my passions, and keep searching for a relief to the ache, but until then I will be ordinary.