Less than expected.

     Even though I see myself as ordinary, nothing spectacular, however unique because I live a life of high expectations.  I am not by any means a 'perfectionist', but I do feel that in life we always have to try to be our best to succeed at our dreams and aspirations.  

     This view has been instilled in me since I was young from my parents.  They saw my capabilities and pushed me to be my best.  I wasn't the best overall in anything, and I think my parents unknowingly created a sense of disappointment in me, which is something I still struggle with today.... living up to my parents expectations and not be a disappointment to them.  

     I've found that in my new career that I have become disappointed in the lack of initiative in both my students and co-workers.  I am a fairly positive person, looking for the best in others, and encouraging them to see the best in themselves.  I think that's why I work with teenagers, they are the greatest challenge, but in that I also find the greatest reward when one of them sees the possibilities that are before them.  I find that many are concentrated on the negatives... variables that we don't have much control over.  All of our students lack motivation and work ethic to succeed in regular education.  However in intellect most are at grade level, if not above, so it's not because they can't, it's just because they choose not to that they were chosen to be in this new innovative program.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job.  It is with these types of students that I get my greatest challenges and also my greatest rewards.  But at times it feels as if it's an uphill battle against both the students who are not willing at all and some of the other teachers there who are only concentrating on what the kids can't do, instead of what they can.  They look at problems instead of solutions, and putting the kids down instead of building them up.  

    I expect more out of people than what most give out.  Maybe it's a default and I need to learn how to not let it get to me.  Maybe is a challenge that I've been given to instill in others.  Either way changes need to be made in most people... including myself.  I am learning, and I am trying, and for me that's where I start. Hopefully others will take notice and follow.... and maybe it will lead to something extraordinary.  

my ordinary life

     So, I've never been much of a writer... in fact I've never been good at really expressing myself in any way so this is going to be an interesting feat.  I've labeled my blog as ordinary, which I think is a perfect description of my life as I will explain in this first post.

     I've grown up in a good, middle of the road family.  Sure, we had our issues, everyone does, but in the end I knew I was loved and cared for.  I wasn't a spoiled child, but I can't remember not getting anything that I really wanted.  In reality I didn't want a lot.  I loved spending time outside, in the fresh air, doing almost anything.  Running around with no shoes on, riding my bike as fast as I possibly could around my block, and catching lightning bugs at dusk in the summer.... these are some of my favorite childhood memories.  Nothing spectacular, just ordinary.
     I always loved school, I liked learning about new things... I was kinda weird.  Sometimes things came easy for me, other times they didn't, but I was able to do fairly well in school.  My parents always held education as a high priority and it rubbed off on me, but I'm ok with that.  Not a genius, just ordinary.
     This next part is one that has caused me some of the greatest heartache, and also greatest joys.....  friends.  I consider myself a shy person, or maybe reserved is a better word.  Even though with this depiction of myself, I found that I had an easy time making friends growing up.  I have a easy going, even tempered, and loyal personality, but the older I get, the pickier I am about who I let into my life.  I try to be a real person, open and honest with who I am, and if I see falseness in others, I run away.  Not popular, just ordinary.
     I have some talents, but I am in no way a professional or perfect at any of them, and all took lots of practice.  I like art and almost anything about it.  I paint, draw, in general I just like to create.  I like to sing, and I wish I was more musically talented in areas, but I'll settle for being friends with those who are.  I like competition and athletics, so I am decent at shooting a basket and hitting a ball.  Not gifted, just ordinary.

     I just embarked on a new journey in my life.  Moved to a new town for a new job.  I am unknown to anyone in the area.  It's both a scary and exciting time.  I can reinvent myself.  I can become extraordinary if I wanted.    This is a blog of my journey.  I came as an ordinary girl, maybe I'll stay that way, maybe something will change me.... in the end.... well, we'll see what happens!!